i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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