but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
