Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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