but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
