I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
