Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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