where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
