I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
