sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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