How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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