My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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