i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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