He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
