hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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