There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
