girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
