Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize