I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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