he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
