So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
