i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
