what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize