I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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