Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
there is glitter all over my balls
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
