Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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