Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
