My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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