I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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