No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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