I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Two words: blizzard sex
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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