these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Never joke about your clitoris.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
