dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
