It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
