oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Randomize
