tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
