Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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