Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Found your dick twin last night
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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