wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
