Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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