Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize
