does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
