so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
