Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
