My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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