I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
