Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
