Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
