so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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