is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
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And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
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I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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