My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
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I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
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Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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