he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
