Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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