just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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