my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
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someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
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I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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