Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
