next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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