Your dad touched me again.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
