I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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