I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
