$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There's always time for handjobs
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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