I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
