First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
