Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
