Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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