I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Vodka?
Forever.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
