I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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