Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
