My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
