We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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